Not That I'm a Parent...

Stages of having babies:

• 1st baby: You begin wearing maternity clothes as soon as the OB/GYN confirms your pregnancy.
• 2nd baby: You wear your regular clothes for as long as possible.
• 3rd baby: Your maternity clothes ARE your regular clothes.

Preparing for Birth:

• 1st baby: You practice breathing religiously.
• 2nd baby: You don't bother practicing because you remember that last time, breathing didn't do a thing.
• 3rd baby: You ask for an epidural in your 8th month.

The Layette:

• 1st baby: You pre-wash newborn's clothes, color-coordinate them, and fold them neatly in the bureau.
• 2nd baby: You check to make sure that the clothes are clean and discard only the ones with really dark stains.
• 3rd baby: Boys can wear pink, can't they?!

Worries:

• 1st baby: At the first sight of distress--a whimper, a frown--you pick the baby up.
• 2nd baby: You pick the baby up when her wails threaten to wake your firstborn.
• 3rd baby: You teach your 3 year old how to rewind the mechanical swing.

Activities:

• 1st baby: You take your infant to Baby Gymnastics, Baby Story Hour, and Mommy and Me Exercise Class.
• 2nd baby: You take the baby to Baby Gymnastics.
• 3rd baby: You take the baby to the supermarket and dry cleaners.

At Home:

• 1st baby: You spend a good bit of each day just gazing at your baby.
• 2nd baby: You spend a bit of every day watching to be sure that your older child doesn't poke, squeeze, or hit the baby.
• 3rd baby: You spend a little bit of each day hiding from your children.

Going Out:

• 1st baby: The first time you leave the baby with a sitter you call 5 times to make sure things are OK.
• 2nd baby: Just before you walk out the door, you remember to leave a number where you can be reached.
• 3rd baby: You leave instructions for the sitter to call only if she sees blood.

Swallowing Coins:

• 1st baby: When the first child swallows a coin, you rush them to the hospital and demand x-rays.
• 2nd baby: When your 2nd child swallows a coin, you carefully watch for it to pass.
• 3rd baby: When the 3rd child swallows a coin, you deduct it from their allowance.