In case you are wondering, "D" is my husband -- Dave Liu! As you've probably noticed, I don't update this blog often but I may post more as I've linked this to my Google+ account.

Saturday, February 28, 2009

Modern Stock Market Terms

Due to today's rapidly plunging stock market, and financial conditions in industry, the following terms have had to be revised for investors in order to more clearly reflect today's economic marketplace...

  • CEO -- Chief embezzlement officer.
  • CFO -- Corporate fraud officer.
  • BULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
  • BEAR MARKET -- A 6-18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.
  • VALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.
  • P/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market continues to crash.
  • BROKER -- What my broker has made me.
  • STANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.
  • STOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.
  • STOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.
  • FINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.
  • MARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.
  • CASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.
  • YAHOO -- What you yell after selling Yahoo stock to some poor sucker for $240 per share.
  • WINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo at $240 per share.
  • INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.
  • PROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.

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